Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"Falling in Love" is not Love

Trust me, this one isn't anything about PCs.

And so there I was, sitting across a table made out of bamboo, facing the girl of my dreams. We were beside the beach, the mid-afternoon sun lancing through the canopy of the kalachuchi that was sheltering us from its glare. The sunlight glinted off her dark brown eyes, a gentle breeze tussled her hair. Somewhere nearby, I could hear a radio playing the Corrs' "What Can I Do."

It wasn't a resort; we were in a dreamy, rustic subdivision. We were alone. My friends, who have --- as far as I cared --- melted away in the wind, saw to that.

She smiled, her lips bending in an Andrea Corr/Agot Isidro arch, and all that interplay of sunlight and shadow, all the leaves that fluttered past our faces in that magical mid-afternoon, paled. I could hear the yapping of puppies in the next house, the blaring of that cheap radio with its woeful speakers but they all got drowned out by that smile, those eyes.

I reached out for her hand, holding her gaze. She took it. I stood up, sat on the bench she was sitting on and drew her close to me. The wind blew again and that close, her hair framed my face, eclipsing the sunlight in a silky tangle that smelled of flowers. I closed my eyes, made a show of breathing it all in. She giggled demurely.

I drew her closer still.

And so that scenario repeated everyday for several weeks. It was magical; I was ecstatic. There I was with my childhood crush in a place that more than perfect. It was more than what I asked for.


After several more days of this, I began to question myself: do we have things in common? (None) What were we talking about? (Sweet nothings) Do I really know her? (No. My barkada set the whole thing up.) Does she know me? (No city boy, she doesn't.)

The euphoria faded, the mysteries got solved, the allure diminished.

Fast forward several days more and the semester had just started. We were in the mall. And I was bored. I flipped over to page two, found nothing of interest. Flipped to Chapter 22, page 540; I found nothing of interest. I tried delving deeper and found bedrock.

I got confused. Where was all the mana? The sunlit patches of weeds sprouting out from that beach? The province was so far away that time, like fabled Eressea closed from prying mortal eyes. We were Beren and Luthien, human and elf, but without the attraction.

I had "fallen in love" for a person I didn't know and now that the initial magic has dissipated, there was nothing for the both of us.

She stood me up the next week.

I didn't show up the week after that.

Another week after that and I was back playing Magic: The Gathering at the now defunct Cyberpoint cafe with my friends. The Urza's Saga expansion had just launched and I completely forgot all about her.

Really, why is it that some people think they are in love when they have not acquainted themselves fully with the object of their affections? True, the first few hours/days/weeks (I don't effing care how long) are magical but after that, what then? Do you really know him? Have you even considered what he/she likes?

What if he spends his time reef snorkeling and you don't know how to swim and consider crustaceans as icky things? What if he reads the Dialogues of Plato and you favor noontime shows? What if she parties like there's no tomorrow and you are a homebody? What if she likes flashy cars and you consider them a threat to the environment?

What if you are a Zerg and she is a Protoss?

And then there are other factors. Are you of the same beliefs? Is he free? Will she be staying in the same region in the next three or so years?

I don't mean to sound so pessimistic but really, why take up extra baggage?

If you have a motorboat, why paddle?

"Falling in love" is not love; chemicals are just addling your brain. Weigh. Consider.

We all have our lapses, chinks in our armor. We are not perfect but running around desperately, your core being burned out by your sense of loneliness, entwining yourself with every person you take a fancy to, will only get you a truckload of jackasses instead of that diamond you so long to embrace.

It's ironic --- some of us adamantly insist that everything's fine and yell out "Carpe diem!" but show them something brighter, make them feel genuine warmth, or a yellow brick road that will lead them back home and then they go all mushy and reveal that perhaps, everything is not as fine as they want you to believe.

Just sharing my thoughts. Goddamn. Me imparting wisdom. I've grown even older! Tut.

Anyway, fix things. If it can't be fixed, start anew. Take things slow and you'll get there eventually.

Don't settle for anything fleeting; whirlwinds most of the time destroy.


amidaLea said... much for making a change! ^_^