My cousin told me about the rumors that the son of the owner of this local superstore is mentally challenged. Sometimes he announces over the PA system that there's a 50% sale at a whim but sometimes he slaps customer and his barong tagalog-swathed entourage of bodyguards would immediately soothe the offended parties by shelling out huge amounts of cash to cover for the groceries they happen to be carrying. (And then some, so I heard.)
"It's the miracle hand," my cousin jested.
"No," I replied back, "he's got a DotA item. It's called the Hand of Midas."
If I go malling and that little suckass slaps me, I'll fucking Transmute him.